Wednesday, July 14, 2010

It Ain't Real No More, Homie

Nothing will change without bloodshed and sacrifices. We sit here wasting away in this wasteland, wondering how things got so bad, but nobody thinks about what we can do to make things better. It's easy to put all the blame on the system and the pigs, but nobody wants to recognize their own role in this struggle, nobody wants to acknowledge that they are actually participating in this destruction, nobody wants to admit that they are actually contributing to the daily deterioration. I don't see nobody standing up for what they have coming (their rights to be treated as a human being, with dignity, respect, fairness, justice, etc.), I don't see anybody standing up for anything on a conscious or collective level. But I hear everybody always complaining about all the foulness that constantly goes on around here.

There are no George Jacksons around here, no Che Guevaras, no Bobby Sands around here. Everything I see out here in Nevada is fake, sorry and weak. Nobody wants to ride for a real cause, nobody wants to put their lives on the line or risk catching more time for this fakeness around here. Everybody wants to be a "gangster" but nobody wants to live by those codes, everybody wants to be "real" but they let fake and foul cats kick it, embracing these dudes knowing they're no good and that they're counter~productive to all that we are supposed to consider righteous and real.

Nobody wants to clean nothing up, taking care of the biz that needs to be taken care of. Nobody wants to fight the real fight, come together and take it to the real enemy. Everybody has all the excuses in the world, all the justifications for doing what they know in their hearts they ain't supposed to be doing and then they want to go around trying to convince everybody that they're real. Come on, man. Ain't nothing real about none of this crap around here. Ain't nobody dying for this, ain't nobody in here killing for this, catching cases, making sacrifices, trying to push the envelope to make this better for "you and yours", to preserve what's real and reject all that's not; the things that are hurting us and destroying us every day.

Things are foul 'cuz we let it be foul. So if you let it get like this - or if you let it stay like this - then don't complain about it, nobody respects that. The only thing people respect is action and the only thing that's gonna change this is struggle and sacrifice, and people have to be wholeheartedly committed to seeking realistic solutions, going all the way, until we've got it right!
And so, until all of the so~called "real mothafuckas" start learning what "real" reallymeans, without trying to justify the bullshit, this is always gonna be sorry and weak, and all that you see, and everything you say you stand for is gonna be fake, until you start getting real for reals. Things won't change if we sit back and do nothing. The oppression is real, the deterioration is real, the destruction and suffering and the atrocity are all real, but our response to it isn't, our dedication and determination to changing it, is not real!!

Everybody needs to get their heads out their asses and get their priorities straight before we can do anything about this. We need to organize ourselves and our people (and each other) under real principles and do all that we can to uphold those principles to the fullest and with integrity. We need to uplift ourselves and others, school our younger comrades on some real concepts, educate our comrades, give them a revolutionary understanding too.

Show then how this is supposed to be, how things are supposed to be, how things are supposed to go down, lead by example and teach through actions, strive for real changes to make the quality of life better for "you and yours", try to change the conditions of our confinement, bring our people out of their self, destructive and counter-productive mentalities and work to replace that with knowledge, understanding and amelioration. We need to stand up for what we have coming, for what's right, respectable and real, not setting for no bullshit, and not letting our comrades get away with no bullshit, we have to be seriously committed in breaking them out of those weak, counter-productive mentalities, and we have to do what we can to help them help themselves.
Until we are ready to make real sacrifices, this will continue to be foul and it will keep getting worse. How can we call ourselves real when we're allowing ourselves to live under all of this fakeness, accepting this foulness, man? There's nothing real about this. That's why I'm writing this piece, this is a wake' up call! We need to wake up and get real.

Let's strive for consciousness and truthful understanding, let's take action and be committed to bringing significance and meaning to our lives. Let's destroy all this old, watered down, weak stuff that we've been holding on to for so long, and that we thought was real and let's build on top of a solid foundation and let's organize around the fundamentals and principles of truth and betterment, full speed ahead with a revolutionary understanding, and let's not falter from what we know is right. It's gonna take a real level of struggle and sacrifice, doing whatever it takes as we strive for freedom, justice, respect and to be treated like we actually matter. This is about taking control of our own lives!

If you're reading this and you're feeling this, then get with the program. Don't just sit back and say "Yeah, that's real talk man, I feel that." If you feel it, do it! Take direct action, take up this cause, start up your own cause, take up the struggle and organize people around this realness. Get it cracking, don't wait for others to do it, but you must be the force that's needed, the spark that ignites the fire as you try to burn this mothafucka down! Get it cracking, don't wait comrade, do it now!!!

I'm just touching the surface, but everybody knows what I'm talking about. Everybody knows this ain't real no more. So now it's time to get real, it's time to get it cracking on a serious note!

Coyote, 2010 Anarchist Black Cross Nevada Prison Chapter

Quote: "Organizing and teaching are the same. They both involve the question of how people learn things. They both involved dialogue. They both involve long-term commitment and perspective. They both involve people in changing their lives. And the teacher/organizer is always learning. " Mark Rudd, from his interview in Z Magazine, by Bill Nevins, entitled: "Fortunate Rebel Son"

Amelioration

As I sit back, reflect and let my thoughts flow, many things percolate to my mind's cortical surface, keeping me attentively entertained and intellectually stimulated. In these locked down situations, it's absolutely imperative for me to take the necessary measures to keep my mind right, because I've learned - through trial and error - that when I'm unable to stay focused on positive and productive activities, I'm most likely to get caught up in negative and unproductive and sometimes even counterproductive activities. When that happens, I'm not surviving, but rather I'm slipping, letting myself get took under by the merciless current of self~destruction.

So, I'm just sitting here thinking, letting my thoughts be fluent and making sure to stay acutely focused on the things that pertain to my day~to~day survival, trying to get through this daily psychological Vietnam, trying to ameliorate myself. Some people like to still their minds, but me, I like to keep my mind active and constantly flowing.

One of the things that grabbed a "kung fu death grip" hold on my attention today was a quote that I read by Napoleon Bonaparte that goes like this: "DEATH IS NOTHING, BUT TO LIVE DEFEATED IS TO DIE EVERYDAY".

Those are words that I resonate with. Tome, that means that once you die, that's it, it's over, ya estuvo, your life becomes nothing. You're gone, you've faded to black. So while you're alive, you might as well take care of what you need to take care of, be real with your comrades and loved ones and try to enjoy life and appreciate the time you have.

But if you're living like a defeated person, then you're not living; you're already dead and every day that you wake up, you die again.

I would rather die once than to die every day. I'd rather die now, than to live the rest of my life waking up already dead. I would rather die than live as a defeated man.

Death is nothing, we all die, in fact, the only thing promised to us in life is death. So we might as well accept it, face it, embrace it and know that we can't cheat it. I believe that with this acceptance and understanding, we are able to live our lives out more fully, having no fear and illusions.

So I try to live with the understanding that as long as my tenable and tenacious heart thumps passionately with furious resistance and undying love, then I haven't been defeated. Because as long as I can find one thing in this world that I can love and appreciate, and as long as I have something that my heart beats for, while I remain unwilling to allow myself to be consumed by hate, then I've remained unconquerable.

I'm trying to keep life and love flowing through my arteries, I'm trying to appreciate the time I have, the breath I breathe and the life I live, and I'm trying to enjoy it. As long as I'm living by the principles that I'm willing to die for, without compromise or sacrifice, then I haven't been defeated. I believe that when you value your way of life and the friendships you've made, so much, that you feel those things are worth dying for; you're living your life to the fullest! Because I believe that having nothing to die for is having nothing to live for.

Even under these inhumane conditions I'm able to recognize, acknowledge and find beauty in life, making it a penetrating point to keep a strong sense of self and of life flowing through my veins. These are the things that keep me grounded, and these are the things that I keep in my heart, vibrating, pulsating, thumping to the rhythmic beat of life, while having to overcome struggles and heartbreaks only to come out stronger, wiser and more refined, and then trying to use that same strength and wisdom to assist others in their times of hardship, pain and struggle.

And of course there are many things about this life and this place that I hate, but I allow my hate to exist and to live, because sometimes it's good and sometimes it's necessary, and because all of my emotions are an extension of me, but I make sure to keep it minimized.

Lately, I've been doing a couple of things to try to better myself and to stay active. One of the things I do is something that I call "PUSH~ UPS AND PARAGRAPHS", and the other thing that I'm constantly doing are logic puzzles.

Push~ups and paragraphs: Basically, what I do is I'll find an article to read (something educational), and after I finish reading a paragraph I'll get down and do (10) ten push~ups. And I will continue to do (10) ten push~ups after each and every paragraph I read, until I've finished reading the entire article. When I'm done, the count usually comes out to about a total of 500~600 push~ups. I'll do this every day, sometimes reading the same articles over and over again each day, which helps me to retain knowledge, and sometimes reading a different article each day. It's just a way for me to cultivate myself by exercising both my mind and my body at the same time, and it's also a way for me to be productive and appreciative of the time I have in this world, not letting myself be defeated by my circumstances.

As far as the logic puzzles go, Dell puts out a magazine that you can subscribe to called: "Logic Lover's Logic Problems" (have your people subscribe you to these logic puzzle magazines: "pennydellpuzzles.com"). There are over 100 puzzles in each magazine, so if you do (1) one puzzle every day, then you're exercising your brain every day for 100 days. I have to do at least one every day, mandatory, but I usually do 2 or 3 a day. It's one of the best ways that someone in solitary can strengthen their brain! It's like playing chess with yourself, but better! Your brain is like a muscle, and the more you exercise it, the stronger it becomes. Logic puzzles are like bench presses for the brain. It causes you to think and to figure things out, using deductive reasoning, and most of all it open the floodgates of your brain, allowing you to be more logical and sharp in all areas of your life. It's definitely an LQ. booster and it allows your mind to be active and to flow! It's definitely a healthy way to spend an hour or two of your day while locked down in a cell, because not only does it keep you from deteriorating mentally, but it keeps you sharp, like a razor's edge! And if you're staying sharp under these dull circumstances, then you're definitely winning, not allowing yourself to be taken under or defeated! So those are just 2 of the things I've been doing lately to stay afloat and to keep my sword sharpened.

Here's another Napoleon quote that I resonate with: "A TREE WITH NO BRANCHES BEARS NO FRUIT"

I like that because I'm definitely trying to branch out and be fruitful. That's what life's about to me: branching out, bearing fruit, making meaningful connections and truthful connections, never having superficial friendships, each one teach one, steel sharpening steel, being real and staying true while getting involved in various endeavors that are sure to produce good results.

The more branches on your tree, the more fruit, and everybody can come to my tree and eat from it, we can have picnics under my tree, people can sit under my tree and duck down in the shade for a while, relaxing and letting their minds be fluent and free. They can climb up my tree, swing from the branches, all that. My tree is the tree of knowledge, the tree of life.

Currently, I might be locked down, in supermaximum custody, and all strained up on HIGH RISK POTENTIAL status, going through all kinds of harassment and all that, but it doesn't even matter, because in the far reaches of my minds imagination, I'm sitting under a tree, somewhere near the sea, smoking on a fat one, some of that good, top shelf, "Pineapple Trainwreck" bud, munching on a juicy nectarine that I just pulled off of one of my branches, sitting in the relaxing shade, with the cool ocean breeze blowing on my face, just getting high on life!

In my heart and in my mind, I know I've got to stay productive, I've got to stay active, letting the liquid thoughts of my mind forever flow and always striving to better myself and others, spreading my dexterous branches, participating in fruit~bearing activities, not fearing death, but loving life, and living it. It's all about amelioration! Look that word up in your dictionary, add it to your vocabulary and apply it in your everyday life: amelioration. It's a beautiful word when applied.

And these words are written, from the pain that turned to love, and it's that same love that I now give to you as a gift from my heart. I close as I opened: with all my love!

Coyote, Ely State Prison November 5th, 2009

Drop me a line or two, show me some love, give me some words of encouragement. I'm not allowed to receive letters from other prisoners, but I'd like to hear from everybody, everywhere. You can reach me at this address: Coyote Sheff #55671 P.O. Box 1989 Ely, Nevada 89301-1989

Keep the Struggle Up

We have been slammed down, oppressed and confined to these prisons, ghettos and graveyards. Our stories and our lessons are manicured by the epidemics of pain, poverty, discrimination and struggle. We get poorer and the rich get richer as the story goes. There's no justice, no rehabilitation, no freedom. We are taken to court on trumped up, bogus shit, given 20 charges for one incident, bullied into taking a 'deal', and then we are appointed a public defender 'cuz we don't have the money to acquire a more sufficient attorney, and one year the person who is supposed to be representing us is a public defender, and then the next year that same person is a district attorney! So how could we really trust these people? How could we trust them with our lives? How could we be so willing to put our freedom in their hands?

It doesn't make sense to repetitively place our lives and our freedom into the malefic hands of people who actually despise us. Will there ever come a time when we can start taking control of our own lives? When we can stop depending on the same people that oppress us, to help us? Is there any legitimate, respectable way to get ourselves out of the deleterious grips of this death machine? Is there any way to end these sentences of perpetual suffering? All the questions that come to me while I marinate in this lonely world of darkness, reflecting on the many sorrows I've seen. So many questions, but hardly enough answers.

The frustration leads me to sit up on my bunk and start strategizing on different ways that I can possibly try to encourage my comrades in here to start taking the initiative to study and learn the law. I have a Xerox copy of Mumia Abu Jamal's new book, Jailhouse Lawyers and I pass it out to others, trying to use it as a tool to inspire prisoners to learn how to become attorneys for the poor and oppressed. I sit here and wonder, "What else can I do? What clever ways are there to inspire people to study, to get them to learn?". Wouldn't it be great if we could become our own attorneys, or would it even matter?

I've held study groups and had many one-on-one study sessions with comrades in here, where we've sat around for hours talking and debating, searching for tangible ways to represent ourselves and to learn how to bring ourselves out of this state of oppression, and to eliminate oppression and poverty altogether. To break through the barriers, to rise above the tragedies. Right now it's just talk, but later who knows what it will be? Everything starts in the mind, one things leads to another.

In this graveyard, it's so hard to get books sent in and literature, because the administration has deliberately set so many obstacles and put so many restrictions and limits on things when it comes to receiving books that so many people in here have become discouraged and ended up giving up on trying to get books sent in. But I've been on an adamant missions for years to acquire all the literature I can get sent in to me, and to pass it out to as many people as I can, trying to turn this graveyard into a revolutionary university, so people in here can take all this time they have on their hands and use it to elevate their minds, reaching for higher degrees of learning, finding liberation through books. I love to be involved in all of these various acts of raising consciousness, I feel it's so necessary in these times and situations. Not to mention that I've seen the lengths these pigs will go to make sure they're keeping us confined to ignorance and stagnation. Books and reading materials are so important for us here, we who dwell in this gloomy world of degeneration.

I pass out literature on philosophy, politics, psychology, science, spirituality and I'm always passing out revolutionary materials too, and whatever else I can get, having study sessions when I can, discussing things with my neighbors for long hours into the night, all the way until my breakfast tray arrives, and sometimes, if the conversation is really good, I'll eat and talk at the same time, every once in a while setting the tray down to pick up a book, or an article, so that I can read a passage, sentence, or paragraph out loud to my neighbor, to reinforce the stance I'm taking on certain subjects, or to help get my point across more clearly. I love to learn, I love to teach and I love to engage others. I crave the intellectual stimulation, and I can tell they crave it too.

We are here, confined to these cells, but we've found ways to communicate and express ourselves, to soak up knowledge and pass it on to others who we've deemed worthy of receiving such valuable gems. It's miserable and depressing in here, so much atrocity and deterioration, but we've found ways to make the best out of a bad situation. We understand that we should never just lay down and accept this. We understand that we have to keep the spirit of resistance going strong inside of us, seeking solutions, striving for freedom, making sacrifices when the situation requires us to do so, and never giving up, never breaking down. Everybody that I consider a comrade understands this, and with this understanding we try to reach those that don't understand, but who really need to understand. With understanding things are made clear, and when that happens, change happens.

You'll find some of the most brilliant, most creative, most intelligent, most resourceful and most innovative individuals right here, confined to these hellholes. That's what happens when we have all this time on our hands, with the fire of resistance burning in our hearts. We've been discarded by society and caged like animals, left to rot and decay, to deteriorate and fade away into a black abyss, to disintegrate into tiny fragments of nothingness. But we are here, alive and fighting to maintain our existence, going strong, with love beating in our chests. Revolutionary love. We keep that warrior spirit alive, and these pigs fear it, they hate it, and they envy it and that's why they're always trying everything they can to try to crush it, break it, tame it and destroy it, but no matter how hard they try, or what they do, there's not much they can do to take that away from us.

Books and knowledge give us breath, it pumps life into our veins and activate our brains. With knowledge we are invigorated, rejuvenated and made worthy. Knowledge gets us going, knowledge is what sets us free. We use these books to quench our thirst and to feed our hunger.

Through these trials and painful situations I've come to learn the lessons of struggle and the importance of a revolutionary, underground education. I've learned how vital it is to my survival to be able to keep the fire of resistance burning in my heart. I've come to learn about sacrifice, solidarity and fortitude. I've got little baby cousins, nephews and nieces that I haven't even met yet, I've fucked off my release date many times already, catching more time on my prison sentence for taking stands against these pigs and their injustices done to us. It's hard for me to turn my back on the struggle. I've recently participated in a brutal riot here on my unit and I've got 2 years left before I go home, and now I've getting letters from my moms and my brother, asking me what the hell am I doing, don't I want to come home? They've made sacrifices for me, to help get me out of here, spending money on attorneys for me and everything, and yet I'm still in here caught up in the struggle and I'm conflicted, I want to go home, but I just can't sit back as my fellow comrades stand up and make sacrifices to make important changes for everybody else. My family doesn't understand my commitment to the struggle and it breaks my heart just as I know it breaks their heart to watch me do things that will jeopardize my release date.

But now I realize that the struggle is going to continue whether I'm in here or out there, and after all that I've been through and all that I've done, I am so lucky to still have the chance to get out of here. And now it's time to go home. It's for me to get out of here and do this from the other side of the razor wire.

I'm gonna do what I can to plant seeds and raise awareness while I´m still here because it´s impossible to overlook all the atrocity that's going on around me every day. I see all these youngsters coming to prison now, little dudes as young as 14 years old! There's no true leadership or anything meaningful in here for them to latch onto and it kills me. I see all the fakeness and foulness around here, and I'm always railing against it, trying to raise consciousness to these real issues we're faced with. The mentality of some of these cats around here is hard for me to grasp and seems "suspect" in my eyes. The way they think, the way they act, I'm not feeling it. If you're not striving for change or seeking solutions, or trying to elevate yourself,. then what are you doing?

All I can say is that I got love for the real cats in here, I feel for them, especially the ones that have to stay here, I feel for them and will always keep them in my heart, recognizing them as kindred spirits.

I've done all can to stock up all the comrades in here with good literature and to raise consciousness around here. I've been going at it so hard that I ended up losing 2. good friends out there who acted as my main benefactors: Gina and Katy. They couldn't do it anymore, couldn't afford to keep making copies of books and literature for me, they couldn't afford to keep buying books for my comrades in here, and it got to the point where they would dread getting a letter from me because I was always asking them to support me with this project or that project, on a mission to try to flood this prison with as much literature and educational materials as I can. They just couldn't do it anymore. I feel bad that I won´t be receiving letters from these beautiful, compassionate warrioresses anymore, I feel bad that I've become so obsessed with my mission to raise awareness that I failed to take into consideration their needs and limitations. I really miss them.

So as one- door closes, I guess it´s time to look on to new things and start focusing on my release date. I have to figure what I'm gonna do when I get out of here, how can I keep the struggle up from the other side of the fence, and things like that. I don't have no plans on getting rich or anything like that, I don't care about none of that. I´ve been in solitary long enough to know that I don't need lots of money to survive, so that's one lesson I´ll be taking to the streets. I just want to be real and live right, helping when I can. I have a lot to figure out and a lot to think about, 2 years to go, so close, yet so far away…

Until then, I will continue writing these essays, articles and zines, and things like that. This is my contribution to the struggle., I'm gonna let people know what's going on, what we´re going through in these hellholes, I'm gonna keep spreading the truth whether these pigs like it or not, because the truth is dangerous! The truth is revolutionary! The revolution starts in our minds, so let's get free, one mind at a time! My love goes out to all the people out there who have committed themselves to our struggles in here. Keep doing what you do, keep the struggle alive, keep it up.

If you want to be hard, you gotta go hard!

Coyote, 2010

Quote: "Our expressive powers were strong and vibrant. if this could be nurtured, if the language skills could be developed on top of this, we could learn to break through any communication barrier. We needed to obtain victories in language built on infrastructure of self-worth.”
Luis Rodriguez (from his book: Always Running: La Vida Loca, Gang Days in L.A.) Good book, read it!

The Tiger’s Song

I'm a tiger, I pace my cage
Never forgetting who I am
An apex predator filled with rage
On solid ground I stand

My heart is hardened, I am steel
There's no emotion that I feel
My essence has been recognized;
And I am real

I am patient and I'm wise
Always biding my time
I can't be tamed, I remain uncivilized
Never changing my heart or mind
Through my actions I am defined

You can put me in the tiniest cage
And take all my things away
Surround me with screamers and bangers
Doing everything you can to invoke my anger
And to make me feel pain
You can strip me naked, cold and bare
And starve me if you dare
You can whip me until I bleed
And my bones are broken
I really don't care

You can try as hard as you like
Using all your might
But it doesn't matter what you do
You can't change me
You can't tame or break me
I'm a tiger, I will fight
I'm a tiger, I will strike
You can't break me I'm alright!!!

Coyote
ABC-Nevada Prison Chapter
December 7th, 2009
Ely State Prison, Nevada